Have you seen couples who are together but seldom stay at peace? Always criticizing and complaining about each other, they always seem to end up in an argument over every small and big thing. Every time you see them you wonder why they are together or maybe they’d be better off alone. Or are you in one such pair where things are just getting more and more toxic with each passing day?
Well I’ve been a part of those gigs and sometimes situations are such that you can’t help but burst out. And other times, I had just chosen someone wrong for myself. Gladly, I can now say that a string of associations have made an image clear in my head. Studying other successful relationships around me, I found some common factors required for something to work long term.
Prepare to take notes :
1. Agree to Disagree :
Oh Boy! Haven’t you heard this one before? There are different angles of looking at the same thing, and what most of us do is try to force feed our ideologies onto others. For once just put down your opinion in a way which is less like the start of an argument.
Quick Tip – Watch that voice tone. It’s funny how fast the topic gets dissolved when one suddenly starts yelling to make their point seem valid.
2. Understanding the misunderstood :
Communication gap has been a devil since the beginning of time. The battle lies when we are able to surpass those and put across our thoughts effectively. Even after a battle of words, make sure that the both of you sit to understand what created the issue and how that could have been handled better.
Quick Tip – Make the first move, no matter who’s to blame.
3. Support without Clauses :
Trust them even when you aren’t sure what they’re up to. Place your hands on their shoulders and give them the assurance. Sometimes all a person needs is to know that they’re not alone. Be a listener first and if required a speaker.Even when they prioritize other avenues like family and friends before you, don’t leave their back.
Quick Tip – Four magical words, “I’m here for you”
4. Improve your Lifestyle :
I feel like the biggest sign to know if a relationship is healthy or not, is to see if they have any positive effects on each other. We tend to develop habits of people we spend most of our time with. I have seen people grow after they found their perfect partner, and after a time their present self took a full 360° turn for the good.
Quick Tip – Develop good habits together, do small things which will benefit both of you. If they ask you to try something for your benefit, it’s about time you listen.
5. Respect for Time :
Most partners don’t have similar routines. It’s obvious that there will be moments when you crave for them, but they won’t be there. As much as you respect and value your time, please do the same for them. Don’t keep them waiting for a call or meeting, knowing that you might not be able to make it.
Quick Tip – I know you don’t wanna disappoint them, but don’t lead them on the wrong path.
6. Secured Space :
In most of my past relationships I’ve spent a considerable amount of my time losing sleep over the future. There’s no time for flings, please voice out your feelings. If you are still unsure, tell them and once you feel that you’ve found a match, be honest. It’s not wise to keep someone hanging.
Quick Tip – No double games please. Stop messing with their heads, it’s not even funny.
7. Become Best Friends :
When transitioning from friends to partners and then spouses, we forget how pure and important still remaining friends is. Sometimes all you need is a friend. A light hearted conversation and a good laugh. Grab some drinks and binge watch some series. Lighten up!
Quick Tip – Remember the times you had when you were friends, relive those. Go out and do something fun for a change, instead of usual dates.
8. Comfort Level :
I believe that life is all about balance, excess or deficiency of anything creates imbalance and thus leads to further problems. When you decide to share your life with someone, there will be times you have to step out of your comfort zone. And that’s completely normal. But knowing how to say no and maintaining your personal boundaries are equally important.
Quick Tip – Please respect their boundaries. If you are cool doing something, it doesn’t mean they would feel the same way.
9. Past Issues :
Everyone has a past and before we move on to something new, it’s needed that all of our past issues are laid on the table. Little by little, let them know what went wrong with your previous partners and step by step, give them an insight. What you shouldn’t do is bombard them with questions and ask for clarifications for actions which doesn’t involve you.
Quick Tip – Stop judging. Comfort them and make them feel positive. Take mental notes of the things that bug them and do not make the same mistakes their exes did.
10. Making Efforts :
A typical human behaviour is to run after things in order to achieve it and once you got the fish in your net, start neglecting them. A person changes and evolves every single day. Hence, there will always be new things to learn about them. Always make it a point to let them know that they’re special. Little things have quite an impact.
Quick Tip – Prove yourself every single day. Win them every single day. May the chase never end.
All of the above mentioned points are being tried and tested over the years and are still in process. Our relationships form an integral part of our life and success, any problem no matter how minute it may be, creates a ruckus in our daily routine.
I hope the above points help you to have and maintain a healthy relationship!
” I Appreciate your Time “
– Sonali, The Endless River